Persuasion is a process that happens between two or more people. Most people when learning covert hypnosis (and even some that have more experience) make the mistake of not realizing this simple truth.
Instead, in their mind, they make it all about themselves.
The first thing one must realize is that, although when we’re in good rapport, the other person will most probably experience the same feelings, emotions and thoughts as we do, most of the times in the beginning, we’ll feel something and the other person will feel something else.
It’s very important to have this in mind because many people I know have failed because of this simple mistake…
Mistake #2: Focusing On Oneself Instead Of Focusing On The Prospect
Unless we’re in a position of authority (professor, a person’s doctor, recognized expert…) or trust (close friend), the first thing we have to do in order to successfully use covert hypnosis, is meet the other person in the mental state or in a complimentary state he or she is in at that particular moment.
If he or she is happy, you won’t get far by being grumpy or negative. You’ll be much more persuasive if you’re simply happy too. If the person you want to persuade is grumpy, you’ll probably get much further if you’re understanding.
But most people understand this intuitively and it doesn’t pose the biggest problem to them.
What I found to be the biggest problem with people using covert hypnosis is lack of calibration on other levels.
For example, the first thing I do when I meet a new person is figure out if they best respond to authoritative, equal or slightly submissive people. Your “status” may change during the interaction but if you want to get a good first impression (which makes everything else so much easier), you’ll have to work on this skill.
Everybody is different but you’ll get a feel for this as you practice. As a very general rule of thumb, a man will prefer an equal status conversational partner in a man and a slightly subordinate conversational partner in a woman. Women will generally prefer a slightly dominant man and an equal woman.
You’ll be surprised at how easily you can change your dominance towards other people. Literally all you need is intent and then you have to hold your position. You’ll also notice that your responses will automatically be different. Try practicing this on your friends.
When I first learned about this and started practising it, I didn’t tell anyone. Instead, I just intentionally became more dominant when I was with my friends. Very soon they noticed it and started to comment. A few of my male friends said that there’s something different about me. Some liked it, some tried to establish themselves back in the dominant position, which was funny to watch.
My female friends all liked it and also commented on it. I got comments that I was hot and got many, many times more sexual innuendos with them than ever before.
When you meet a new group of people, you should quickly identify their leader and establish yourself mentally just below him and slightly above everybody else. When the leader accepts you, everybody will and then you can slowly go on to become a leader yourself, if that’s what you wish to do.
A very good exercise for this is to stand a few steps away from your friend and start in an “equal” state. Then you start walking towards him or her step by step and every step you take, you make yourself more dominant in your mind. Ask them how they felt as you did this.
Then do it again, only with every step become more submissive. Again watch their unconscious reactions and ask them how they felt.
As you get used to it, you can do it without the steps. You can just stand in front of each other and you can increasingly change your dominance position in your mind and ask your friend how he or she feels at every stage. Start at equal position and become more and more dominant. Then start with equal position and become more and more submissive.
Your mental state will very slightly change your body language and expression. These changes are almost unnoticeable but your partner’s unconscious will quickly pick up on it and react accordingly. At a certain point, they will have a very conscious reaction to your new mental state. When you become too dominant, some will say they found you scary, some will say they found you annoying and so on. When you become too submissive, they might describe you as spineless, slimy, repulsive and so on.
It’s a fun and very useful exercise and very soon you’ll begin to notice different types of people and will know exactly what your position of dominance should be for maximum impact.
The second thing that people usually miss is how their conversational partner experiences the world
This is an important element because simply by using their own language, you’ll be much better at persuasion.
You’ve most probably heard of the different modalities people use to describe and understand their reality.
There are visual people that will mostly experience the world through visual stimuli. When they are explaining things, they use words that have to do with seeing things. They will usually say “Did you see that song…” or “This brought things into focus” and so on.
A predominantly Auditory person will experience the world through words and sounds. They will not understand mind maps well when they only look at them. You will have to explain them.
Kinaesthetic people will process the world through feelings and emotions. You will most probably have to physically show them how to do something in order for them to fully understand it. They will use words like “I feel”, “boring”, “fun”, “exciting” and so on.
Of course, it’s important to know that nobody uses only one modality. It’s just that one is usually predominant.
And the third important thing is to notice the prospect’s immediate preferred state induction method
You can very quickly determine how your prospect prefers to work himself or herself in a particular state. You can start a descriptive story and notice whether they are simply following along or are they jumping in and telling their own experiences on the subject.
If they simply follow along, you can continue with your story and guide them into the state you desire them in.
If, on the other hand, they are constantly jumping in and telling you how they experienced the thing you’re talking about, they are probably more self-referential. You can then change your strategy and begin asking more questions to which they will predictably answer by talking about situations where they experienced states you want them to experience in that particular moment.
Such Useful questions might be:
- How do you know you want X? (How do you know you want to go out with someone?)
- Did you ever experience X? What was it like for you? (Did you ever experience a real connection with someone? What was it like for you?)
- What was/is your favourite X? (What was your favourite vacation?)
- What are you looking for in X? (What are you looking for in an employee?)
- What kind of X appeal to you the most? (What kind of personal qualities appeal to you the most in a man you want to date?)
So, hopefully this article helped you with the fine-tuning of your skills as a covert hypnotist and a persuasion artist.
Play with it, notice how people respond and I’ll write you soon with another crucial mistake people make in covert hypnosis.
Enjoy your study of covert hypnosis!