A successful covert hypnosis interaction requires a set of individual skills and techniques…
… and knowing how to build rapport with your prospect is one of the more important of such skills.
But most people get this part wrong and so they get limited to no results.
We’re going to tackle this problem here…
Mistake #7: Failing To Build Proper Rapport
:: On Mirroring And Matching ::
Sure, this is the first technique you learn when you get to rapport. But there’s a lot more to mirroring and matching than sitting or standing as if a mirror image of the person you’re talking to and mimicking their every move.
There’s a thin line between building rapport and being creepy when you’re using this technique.
And like all other techniques, you have to use this one moderately and sensibly.
You don’t just immediately do a mirror image of a person you meet and then try to do everything they do in a mirror image.
This very soon becomes strange and people will notice it and either think you’re mocking them or that you’re very strange, to say the least. It will probably break the little rapport you initially had with them.
This technique comes from an observation that people that are in deep rapport tend to mirror each others posture and movements.
And in theory, due to the fact that the body and mind are causally connected, if you mirror someone, they will feel like you’re the same as them (as if from the same “pack”) and they will build rapport with you.
And this works, when done correctly…
But it goes deeper…
They are also responding in the same way with their mood, they breathe at the same pace and in sync, they walk in the same rhythm and so on.
So, there are many more subtle things you can mirror than simply a person’s posture.
You can mirror their “state” and “energy level” – are they happy, sad, ecstatic, neutral, mischievous…?
You can mirror their facial expressions – this is more subtle than their whole posture.
You can use the same words and expressions they are using – you will very quickly pick up on the phrases and specific words they are using to communicate things to you.
This works especially well if you pick up on phrases they use with their closest friends. Usually those are “inside jokes” and if you say them, you’ll immediately feel like a part of his or her group.
Note that this is a little bit different from the so called “trance words”, where you use specific words they used beforehand to describe their experiences, with which you can deepen their understanding of what you’re communicating and guide their imagination more vividly. We’ll talk about this in a future article.
You can mirror their “gestures” – most people certain gestures and you can mimic those. You should be careful here not to come across as making fun of them. This happens if you try to do the gestures too obviously or too soon after they’ve done them. It’s also good to notice gestures and stances of their close friends and family.
With gestures you also have to be careful not to imitate gestures their friends and relatives do to get things but the “recipient” might not like them too much.
For example, significant others usually have a certain look or a gesture they do to get the other one to do what they want. But if you did the same, they would react very differently to you!
Use “pleasant, deep voice” – women especially respond to this. But also men do so it’s good if you can train yourself to speak in a deep and soothing voice. Don’t overuse it but if you drop it into the mix every so often, especially when you’re talking about a pleasant experience, you’ll build rapport instantly.
Use humour – there’s no easier and faster way into people’s hearts than through making them laugh. Don’t be their clown, though. Witty remarks, clever comebacks and observations can go a long way.
But… and this is a big one… always have the context in mind and think how far you can go before saying your line. Because if you’re inappropriate or just not funny at the wrong moment, you’ll need quite some time and some great jokes to recover, to say the least.
:: On The Matter Of Going For Too Deep Rapport, Too Fast ::
You don’t need deep rapport right away to get what you want.
Tailor your rapport strategy to the objective.
Many people think that before using covert hypnosis they have to be in deep rapport.
This is completely wrong.
The depth of rapport should be dependent on the context.
After all, if nothing else, you usually want to get people to do something for you or buy something from you and not to tell you their life stories and constantly give you too much attention and worse … seek yours.
And also, people might actually get uncomfortable if they find themselves in deep rapport with a complete stranger after just a few minutes. Mostly it will freak them out and they will want to get away from you A.S.A.P. It’s just not natural in most situations.
:: Take Control Of Your Own State First ::
Another mistake people new to covert hypnosis do is to try building rapport with a person while they are in an unpleasant state.
Remember, rapport means increased responsiveness. Although it can be positive (meaning they will basically mimic you) or negative (where they will do just the opposite – like if you’re completely calm and answer in a relaxed way while someone is irritated and trying to tell you something – this won’t get them calm, it will most probably infuriate them).
If you’re nervous and will get into rapport with someone in that state, you’ll most probably make them nervous and uncomfortable.
There are, of course the so called “polarity responders”, who, as a rule, respond just the opposite of what you feel when you’re in rapport. This usually happens with very hot women when dealing with new people.
When they feel the sense of connection coming up too soon in the conversation, they respond in a negative way. It’s just because almost all men try to “connect” with them immediately and usually they have only one thing in mind and don’t care who they really are.
But… these girls will usually have a strong positive response to a guy who is a little bit obnoxious, cocky and even off-putting in a right way.
Another such example are people who constantly counter everything. If you say something is good, they will come up with a reason why it’s bad. With such people you’ll have to feel a little put off by them in order to get close to them.
The examples above are exceptions, though. Mostly, when in rapport, people will respond to you in a like-manner.
Either way, you’ll have to get a grip of your own states before trying to get in rapport with people. I have written extensively how to do just that in the articles about anchoring basics and self anchoring visualization. You might also like to check out the article on self hypnosis.