Let’s look a some more mistakes that I believe people make when they’re learning covert hypnosis or any other kind of influence/persuasion model. I’ll call these “mistakes in covert hypnosis 3 to 5”.
I believe that in order to really become good at these things, you have to overcome these three mistakes:
- Mistake #3: Quitting before you make it
- Mistake #4: Trying to force a response in people
- Mistake #5: Focusing only on “techniques”
MISTAKE #3: Quitting using covert hypnosis before you make it
Let’s start with the first of these three mistakes that I believe to be the one that, besides never even using covert hypnosis at all, keeps most people from ever learning to be persuasive and to get things they want in life…
Imagine this: you learn the material, you pump yourself up, you decide not to fall into the trap of the first mistake we talked about in the first article of this series (never even trying to use covert hypnosis), you go out in the real world, try it and get no apparent response or worse, get a weird look from your subject. So you decide to quit right there and then, after your first little failure…
Covert hypnosis, like anything else, is a skill. And as such it must be learned. It’s not something that somebody tells you about and you instantly now have the power to control the mind of every person you meet. Far from it… Learning covert hypnosis takes time and effort — but it’s one of the most profitable investments you can make in your life!
There are 5 stages I noticed that people go through when learning covert hypnosis:
- Disbelief
- Curiosity
- Initial success (or failure) *
- Obsession
- Failure (many times) *
- Proficiency
As you can see, there are two major stages where the majority of people tend to quit (marked with an asterisk *).
After having initial doubts and after seeing a demonstration, people invariably become very curious about covert hypnosis. They learn some basics and usually it takes them a very, very long time to eventually try it in the real world!
As they try it, they either have success with it or they fail to get a proper response from people. This is where most people quit. And they quit regardless of their success or failure (although many more quit after they’ve failed the first time).
The ones that initially succeed and quit probably mainly do so because they dismiss the result as “chance” or they simply fail to see the value of covert hypnosis and don’t pursue further knowledge and experience — basically they are what we’d call lazy.
The ones that get past this initial “trap”, usually become obsessed with covert hypnosis and want to get as good as humanly possible. Now, these people are on their track to success, but…
…They’re approaching another trap… quitting if they fail many times despite their efforts. This usually happens very soon after the initial success (= what we might call ‘beginner’s luck’). What most people don’t realize is that learning a skill takes repetition and this is where mistakes and successes happen. The “proficiency curve” is full of “ups and downs”, but in the long run it always escalates (fig. 1)!
This is why it’s so important to persist!
Fig. 1: The proficiency curve. Notice how after every new skill level, there’s a plateau phase where there’s no apparent improvement and many times it seems as if the skill level is getting worse.
You now see that if you persist and keep on practising, you WILL get good at covert hypnosis. The real failure is only when you quit trying.
MISTAKE #4: Trying to force a response in the subject
It’s a fun and very useful exercise and very soon you’ll begin to notice different types of people and will know exactly what your position of dominance should be for maximum impact.
Another, more technical mistake I noticed was that sometimes people try to force someone to respond to them just because according to theory they should. If the technique doesn’t work, a persuader becomes angry with his or her prospect and tries even harder to force a response in them.
This of course doesn’t work and if anything, it also gets a prospect angry and even less responsive.
Example:
Salesman: “Just imagine, driving this car through the city, having everyone look at you with that approving look and you feel great, don’t you?”
Customer: “Well, I’m not sure. I’d like to have a car that’s more functional than one that’s just a joy to drive…”
Salesman: “Yeah, but isn’t it a nice feeling, though, when you imagine driving down the city center and being the one people look at with envy all the time?”
Customer: “Maybe, but what I said to myself was that I’d really like a nice, big trunk and something that doesn’t use so much gas…”
Salesman (a bit angry because he can’t get a proper response): “But if you could just see that image of yourself driving down the road and feeling great…”
Customer (also getting angry as a response to the salesman): “Yeah well, I’ll think about it. I’ll go see some other cars too…”
As you can see, the salesman did a crucial mistake of not calibrating to the customer. This is very important. People have different representational systems and different meta programs and so on.
It’s the job of a salesman (and any persuader) to elicit from their prospect what’s important to them and what to do to get a favourable response. People REACT when the right “buttons are pushed”. It’s your job to find those buttons and push them in the right sequence.
So… if the person you’re trying to persuade isn’t responding,
STOP –> ELICIT –> CALIBRATE –> “ATTACK”
Do this as many times as needed to get a proper response.
MISTAKE #5: Focusing only on techniques
The last thing I wanted to cover here was the mistake people make in learning and using covert hypnosis, when they view it in a rigid, technique-dependent manner. It keeps everything from flowing naturally and makes the whole thing look very awkward and suspicious.
Relax. Have a playful attitude. Respond to people and to situations. If you’re in a middle of a language pattern, for example, and a person interrupts you and shares his/her own experiences… STOP, LISTEN, CALIBRATE and PROCEED. Do it naturally.
Remember, the more you do it, the better and more natural you’ll seem and feel until some day you’ll suddenly discover that you do everything unconsciously and then, my friend, you can call yourself a master of covert hypnosis.